It has been many days since I last posted. In the interim, the onslaught has continued unabated. The following continues where I left off. More to follow with the current attacks.
In April, L verbally agreed to see A’ilana under supervision. (Before you get too enthusiastic about what a great guy he is, the court ordered parenting time is only in effect if he is a resident of CO.) My daughter and I had a meeting with her lawyer to strategize. This meeting was especially distressing (he was not interested in pressing our case at any time during our association) and we came away wanting a new lawyer who would be aggressive and do something.
Time out: Remember the letter I mention from social services saying to give them a call if L returned? This letter also states that they were not going to take action as my daughter’s lawyer assured them that he would be filing motions in the court. All the while, telling us that he didn’t think we should go to court. If that fool had done what he said he was going to do, we wouldn’t be where we are now.
Enter the new, more aggressive lawyer (W.W.) with filed motions requesting that they be allowed to return to their home in FL, that L be required to see A’ilana only under supervision, and that she have sole decision making (it’s hard to have joint decision making with a protection order specifying no contact other than email about drop-off and pick-up arrangements) and a request for reintegration therapy. Yes, that’s right. We requested this in April to help A’ilana with the sudden reappearance of the man who abused her. They refused. They also refused to allow A’ilana to see a therapist herself to help process all of this.
Now comes L’s new, even more aggressive and expensive ($325/hr) lawyer (we call him Taz) who begins the adversarial vilification of my daughter’s character with charges that are untrue and sometimes ludicrous. A favorite of mine in an early missive stated my daughter made the decision to move to FL and then to CO without L’s input and this horrible moving around had interfered with his career. As what? A busboy…a waiter…a rocket scientist? Even though that charge is amusing to those who know the whole saga, the letters defaming my daughter came 1 – 3 times a week for months. After all, he is the one who failed the lie detector test (which his lawyer now says is understandable as he didn’t understand the question, English not being his first language); they have to create a smoke screen to cover what he has done. The problem is that this tactic seems to have been effective. Everyone appears to believe him…the poor victim. And no one seems to see any contradictions in what he reports...on the one hand he is a second language learner and on the other he says he is fluent in 4 (count them 1,2,3,4) languages.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The "almost" criminal
Saturday November 29, 2008
L returned in March with a vengeance demanding to see A'ilana. Apparently he didn't realize there was a warrant. So, the lawyer/girlfriend found a criminal defense attorney and a family attorney to work with him. He turned himself in and was released on bail. During his short stay in the county jail, I got a temporary restraining order. Two weeks later, with a different lawyer in tow, I went to court for what was supposed to be a slam-dunk. The judge, even after hearing the message, didn’t see it that way and denied my request for a permanent order.
Fast Forward to June. There we were in court with the same judge who denied me a protection order and a jury who hears the tape of his message and, guess what? He was found guilty of violating my daughter’s protection order. He was put an a year’s probation and ordered to attend parenting and domestic violence classes. We were so happy about this result for about 2 weeks until we learned he had a motion to appeal the verdict. The motion was accepted, so he isn’t on probation and doesn’t have to take classes. The reason they are so bent on overturning the conviction is because “any violation of the protection order is a deportable offense.” We don’t know where it stands. He had his day before the appellate judge, but we haven’t been told what the outcome is.
L returned in March with a vengeance demanding to see A'ilana. Apparently he didn't realize there was a warrant. So, the lawyer/girlfriend found a criminal defense attorney and a family attorney to work with him. He turned himself in and was released on bail. During his short stay in the county jail, I got a temporary restraining order. Two weeks later, with a different lawyer in tow, I went to court for what was supposed to be a slam-dunk. The judge, even after hearing the message, didn’t see it that way and denied my request for a permanent order.
Fast Forward to June. There we were in court with the same judge who denied me a protection order and a jury who hears the tape of his message and, guess what? He was found guilty of violating my daughter’s protection order. He was put an a year’s probation and ordered to attend parenting and domestic violence classes. We were so happy about this result for about 2 weeks until we learned he had a motion to appeal the verdict. The motion was accepted, so he isn’t on probation and doesn’t have to take classes. The reason they are so bent on overturning the conviction is because “any violation of the protection order is a deportable offense.” We don’t know where it stands. He had his day before the appellate judge, but we haven’t been told what the outcome is.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Catch up
After rereading what I have written, I realized important facts are missing in order to make sense of my ramblings. In August 2006, we reported the suspicion of abuse to the police based on A'ilana telling us that her father "rubs my tata with I'm tired." This wasn't the first inappropriate incident so we went to the authorities. Aren't these the people who profess to protect and serve? The detective assigned to the case took A'ilana (wearing her badge and gun) into another room for 10 minutes. Called my daughter into the room and told her A'ilana did not disclose anything and that it wasn't her job to come between a child and her father. Five minutes..end of case. Up to this point I had been taking A'ilana to her father for her parenting time with him. She never wanted to go. She would cry and beg me to "please let me stay with you and momma." I couldn't do this any more and with a lawyers advice refused to transport her.
In September 2006, my daughter was given a protection order by the court against L. L totaled his car at about this time so couldn't come to pick her up. He did not see her after the protection order and moved to CA to live with R at the end of Oct.
Because we pitched a fit with the supervisor, victim’s advocates contacted my daughter to offer therapy for A'ilana which she began at the end of Oct. L let me know that he was coming to CO to see his daughter in early Dec. We panicked and with her therapist's help arranged for A'ilana to be interviewed (on videotape) by social services and the same detective. At 4, in a room full of strangers, her story wasn't consistent. She told them what her father had done, but said that it happened in my house with her mother watching. The authorities were, again, going to do nothing in part because of the detective. (Social Services were concerned enough to send my daughter a letter telling her that if there was any chance her father would try to see A'ilana, they were to be notified immediately.) I came unglued when this was over and had a shouting match with the detective who blamed me for the fact that she couldn't do anything. A'ilana told them I didn't like her father...and that was all the detective needed say A'ilana would get no protection.
To her credit, she did call L and ask him to come do a lie detector test. He agreed even though she told him that he could only see A'ilana supervised if he failed any questions. Guess what? He did fail ..."Have you ever put your fingers in your daughter's anus for sexual pleasure?" When told he failed, he something to effect of "I need a lawyer" and left. The detective called A'ilana's pre-school to say that L could only see A'ilana supervised and asked her teacher if she would be willing to do that. She did. L spent about 15 minutes with her and her teacher.
We now know that L left the country in Jan. 2007. We thought he was in CA with R. He sent an email in March asking to arrange a phone call with A'ilana, but as I wanted nothing to do with him (and on the advice of council) told him to conact my lawyer. He called and left a death threat message for me and my daughter...which the judge deemed a violation of the protection order. A warrent was issued for his arrest. We had a piece filled year until he returned with the CA lawyer/girlfriend and the bank of CO lawyers.
In September 2006, my daughter was given a protection order by the court against L. L totaled his car at about this time so couldn't come to pick her up. He did not see her after the protection order and moved to CA to live with R at the end of Oct.
Because we pitched a fit with the supervisor, victim’s advocates contacted my daughter to offer therapy for A'ilana which she began at the end of Oct. L let me know that he was coming to CO to see his daughter in early Dec. We panicked and with her therapist's help arranged for A'ilana to be interviewed (on videotape) by social services and the same detective. At 4, in a room full of strangers, her story wasn't consistent. She told them what her father had done, but said that it happened in my house with her mother watching. The authorities were, again, going to do nothing in part because of the detective. (Social Services were concerned enough to send my daughter a letter telling her that if there was any chance her father would try to see A'ilana, they were to be notified immediately.) I came unglued when this was over and had a shouting match with the detective who blamed me for the fact that she couldn't do anything. A'ilana told them I didn't like her father...and that was all the detective needed say A'ilana would get no protection.
To her credit, she did call L and ask him to come do a lie detector test. He agreed even though she told him that he could only see A'ilana supervised if he failed any questions. Guess what? He did fail ..."Have you ever put your fingers in your daughter's anus for sexual pleasure?" When told he failed, he something to effect of "I need a lawyer" and left. The detective called A'ilana's pre-school to say that L could only see A'ilana supervised and asked her teacher if she would be willing to do that. She did. L spent about 15 minutes with her and her teacher.
We now know that L left the country in Jan. 2007. We thought he was in CA with R. He sent an email in March asking to arrange a phone call with A'ilana, but as I wanted nothing to do with him (and on the advice of council) told him to conact my lawyer. He called and left a death threat message for me and my daughter...which the judge deemed a violation of the protection order. A warrent was issued for his arrest. We had a piece filled year until he returned with the CA lawyer/girlfriend and the bank of CO lawyers.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Back to the beginning
The day L arrived from South America with a fiancee visa he lost his I-9 card. This was a huge deal as you can't just go to the local market and get a replacement. You have deal with the American Embassy in the home country. When that was finally resolved and he started looking for work...the best he could do was being a bus boy. Without a high school diploma (no, he did not graduate from high school regardless of the lie he told in his deposition) he was SOL. We convinced him to get his GED, which he did in Spanish. With this in hand, he was able to move up to being a waiter at Denny's. And that only happened because I gave him my car. It was old and had 125K miles on it. He put another 100K miles on it before it died.
After the first episode of emotional abuse, I told her to dump him (this is part of the reason he hates me and is waiting to "dance on [my] grave"). I also suggested he wasn't stable. After all C was known to be unstable as was their bother R. Moody, pouty, and filled with rage that erupts on a 3 week cycle. In the beginning I thought his explosions were triggered by the environment. But my daughter convinced me that it was internal. In the absence of the trigger, he created his own chaos. (This is the guy who is currently daily taking Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Xanex.) Can you say boderline personality disorder? This is the man who, with the help of his sleep-in lawyer and the band of local lawyers, has convinced the objective CFI that he is the innocent victim of my daughter's conspiracy. The only two people who had him pegged within 20 minutes are the principal and teacher at A'ilana's school. The principal reported the only reason he was there was to find something to use against my daughter. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I just so scared, mad and defeated.
After the first episode of emotional abuse, I told her to dump him (this is part of the reason he hates me and is waiting to "dance on [my] grave"). I also suggested he wasn't stable. After all C was known to be unstable as was their bother R. Moody, pouty, and filled with rage that erupts on a 3 week cycle. In the beginning I thought his explosions were triggered by the environment. But my daughter convinced me that it was internal. In the absence of the trigger, he created his own chaos. (This is the guy who is currently daily taking Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Xanex.) Can you say boderline personality disorder? This is the man who, with the help of his sleep-in lawyer and the band of local lawyers, has convinced the objective CFI that he is the innocent victim of my daughter's conspiracy. The only two people who had him pegged within 20 minutes are the principal and teacher at A'ilana's school. The principal reported the only reason he was there was to find something to use against my daughter. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I just so scared, mad and defeated.
Not only CAN it get worse...it WILL get worse
Today the objective CFI shared email between herself and L as is standard procedure, except in this case she let L have my daughter's email address. She apparently doesn't care that my daughter has a protection order against him or that he has a history of hacking into her accounts. That was just the icing on the bigger issue, which is the CFI is cooperating with L by helping him get into a program in LA for absentee fathers. This woman doesn't respond to requests from my daughter or her lawyer..but apparently has frequent contact with L. She opined a few weeks back in a conference call between lawyers that she was waiting for L to take some responsibility. Well...this will sure do it and with her assistance. I want to scream to the rafters....HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? WHO CAN HELP US STOP IT?
Neither my daughter nor myself can sleep without some assistance. Last night I thought I could but woke up and couldn't turn off the fear or tears. Tonight I'll not take a chance. Sleep is, after all, a weapon.
Neither my daughter nor myself can sleep without some assistance. Last night I thought I could but woke up and couldn't turn off the fear or tears. Tonight I'll not take a chance. Sleep is, after all, a weapon.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
RoseMary's Baby
Did you read Rosemary's Baby? The gist--She was taken in by the devil and got pregnant. When she found out who he was she desperately tried to get help to escape him. Everywhere/everyone she turned to was one of his minions. I feel like I'm living in a warped reenactment of that story.
What the heck is "therapeutic reintegration?" We were so hopeful yesterday before my daughter had her meeting with Dr. I. She took the therapy notes and deposition (from A'ilana's year of therapy following the abuse) and tried to explain what has been going on. This woman doesn't want to see my daughter again and is planning on seeing A'ilana only once before beginning sessions with her father (which, BTW, won't happen until Jan. as this readily available therapist will be gone for the last two weeks in Dec.) She tells my daughter today on the phone that she will only need to see them 5 or 6 times. She also says she can't read the therapist's handwriting...meaning she has completely discounted the abuse. Her job, apparently, is to figure out if it is OK for A'ilana to be alone with him. She might give him some parenting advice and see if he heeds it. But, really her job is to verify that there is no reason for supervision. So...look for this poor child to be with him soon.
Two weeks ago he brought a photo of his girlfriend (the lawyer he lives with who is paying for and master minding their case) to supervision. Last week he brought a video of the girlfriend and her son with the dogs in their fancy place in CA. He told A'i that he might bring the son to a visit soon. Do you think they are trying to get her ready for CA? I sure do. Seriously, THERE ISN'T ENOUGH PROZAC IN THE WORLD for this roller coaster ride.
I am living Rosemary's Baby. Every time we put our hope into the process...it turns out that our hope was not just groundless but futile. He wins every time. NO ONE listens to, or cares about, A'ilana's truth.
What the heck is "therapeutic reintegration?" We were so hopeful yesterday before my daughter had her meeting with Dr. I. She took the therapy notes and deposition (from A'ilana's year of therapy following the abuse) and tried to explain what has been going on. This woman doesn't want to see my daughter again and is planning on seeing A'ilana only once before beginning sessions with her father (which, BTW, won't happen until Jan. as this readily available therapist will be gone for the last two weeks in Dec.) She tells my daughter today on the phone that she will only need to see them 5 or 6 times. She also says she can't read the therapist's handwriting...meaning she has completely discounted the abuse. Her job, apparently, is to figure out if it is OK for A'ilana to be alone with him. She might give him some parenting advice and see if he heeds it. But, really her job is to verify that there is no reason for supervision. So...look for this poor child to be with him soon.
Two weeks ago he brought a photo of his girlfriend (the lawyer he lives with who is paying for and master minding their case) to supervision. Last week he brought a video of the girlfriend and her son with the dogs in their fancy place in CA. He told A'i that he might bring the son to a visit soon. Do you think they are trying to get her ready for CA? I sure do. Seriously, THERE ISN'T ENOUGH PROZAC IN THE WORLD for this roller coaster ride.
I am living Rosemary's Baby. Every time we put our hope into the process...it turns out that our hope was not just groundless but futile. He wins every time. NO ONE listens to, or cares about, A'ilana's truth.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Enter A'ilana
Sweet A'ilana was born in the summer of 2002. She had a rocky start...arriving via C-section and becoming colicky almost immediately..9 - 14 hours a day. The poor thing was in terrible agony for months. They moved to FL when she was 3 1/2 months old. They moved to the small house in the small FL town in order to take their child out of the crime riddled city. My daughter gave up her career for in order to find a better place for her family. The years in FL didn't get off to a good start.
In less than 2 months of arriving, my daughter found L trying to make a liaison with another young woman. Infidelity is something she will not tolerate. He fled from her anger by taking and using her credit card to buy a ticket to S.A. to be "surrounded by the love of [his] family." In short he disappeared. He left them alone in this new town with no means of support and no idea where he had gone to. (A pattern begins to emerge.) My daughter scrambled to find work and child care. She also find out where he was. When he returned, she told him to move out. Four months later, after living with another S.A. woman, my daughter filed for divorce. He disappeared again, this time to avoid divorce as that would have put the stop to his plan for a "green card."
She filed a missing person's report. When the police finally found him in L.V., he asked them "not to tell my wife where I am." Many months later he returned again. They decided for financial reasons to co-habit. This was a very bad plan. He had problems at work; didn't pay his bills; was emotionally and physically abusive. He would lock her out of the house with A'ilana inside crying. He disconnected the phone when she tried to call for help. On one occasion he locked himself and A'ilana (screaming as only a terrified baby can) in the bathroom. He finally put A'ilana out of the bathroom when my daughter tried to get in by the bathroom window. When he emerged he had shaved his head. She called the sheriff as she terrified that he had gone over the deep edge. But he's good. He told the sheriff they had been fighting over money and that he couldn't afford a haircut so he shaved his head. The sheriff left. (They hate domestic altercations). This crazyness went on for a long time until she finally convinced him to get his own apt.
During this time, my sweet A'ilana would scream blue bloody murder when he would change her diaper. She locked her knees together and tried to keep him away. She was a baby. I watched him from the doorway on one accasion as he was poking around her anus (she is screaming). When I asked what the heck he was doing, he said there "was something wrong" and that I should come see. There wasn't anything wrong except that he was, even then, touching her inappropriately. I told him to leave and finished changing her.
A'ilana has never happily gone with him. She always cried when my daughter left her with him so she could work. Once, at two years old, she ran screaming "Momma, Momma" after the car as my daughter left. My sweet baby was afraid of him. She still is.
In less than 2 months of arriving, my daughter found L trying to make a liaison with another young woman. Infidelity is something she will not tolerate. He fled from her anger by taking and using her credit card to buy a ticket to S.A. to be "surrounded by the love of [his] family." In short he disappeared. He left them alone in this new town with no means of support and no idea where he had gone to. (A pattern begins to emerge.) My daughter scrambled to find work and child care. She also find out where he was. When he returned, she told him to move out. Four months later, after living with another S.A. woman, my daughter filed for divorce. He disappeared again, this time to avoid divorce as that would have put the stop to his plan for a "green card."
She filed a missing person's report. When the police finally found him in L.V., he asked them "not to tell my wife where I am." Many months later he returned again. They decided for financial reasons to co-habit. This was a very bad plan. He had problems at work; didn't pay his bills; was emotionally and physically abusive. He would lock her out of the house with A'ilana inside crying. He disconnected the phone when she tried to call for help. On one occasion he locked himself and A'ilana (screaming as only a terrified baby can) in the bathroom. He finally put A'ilana out of the bathroom when my daughter tried to get in by the bathroom window. When he emerged he had shaved his head. She called the sheriff as she terrified that he had gone over the deep edge. But he's good. He told the sheriff they had been fighting over money and that he couldn't afford a haircut so he shaved his head. The sheriff left. (They hate domestic altercations). This crazyness went on for a long time until she finally convinced him to get his own apt.
During this time, my sweet A'ilana would scream blue bloody murder when he would change her diaper. She locked her knees together and tried to keep him away. She was a baby. I watched him from the doorway on one accasion as he was poking around her anus (she is screaming). When I asked what the heck he was doing, he said there "was something wrong" and that I should come see. There wasn't anything wrong except that he was, even then, touching her inappropriately. I told him to leave and finished changing her.
A'ilana has never happily gone with him. She always cried when my daughter left her with him so she could work. Once, at two years old, she ran screaming "Momma, Momma" after the car as my daughter left. My sweet baby was afraid of him. She still is.
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